Anger, secondary emotion

I recently had it pointed out to me that anger is not quite how I thought of it before. Anger is in fact a secondary emotion, and not a primary one.

My first reaction was one of minor incredulity; it seems so basic and primal that I had assumed it was a 'primary' emotion. Part of this probably dovetails into my poor handling/understanding/comprehension of anger in general throughout my life.

See this link for reference: Anger As a Secondary Emotion

With that in mind it changes my relationship to anger quite a bit. Part of my issue with anger has to do with my relationship to my mother, and her lack of control around it. She was uncontrollably angry throughout so much of her life, and I have seen it destroy so many things in her life. It has done terrible levels of damage to her personal relationships, she has lost jobs because of it, and gained a reputation as difficult to work with in many parts of her life. Because of that I vowed to myself when I was a small child to 'never be angry'. While this was not necessarily a healthy thing, my goal I think was admirable; so as a result I am changing that vow to be something healthier: 'I will not let anger rule me or those I care about'

That of course has many ramifications, but essentially what it means is that if someone is angry I will work to find out what is hurting them, as anger is almost universally about some kind of hurt, physical or emotional. What it means is that I will always strive to communicate deeper with people about what is hurting them. This goes for me as well; communicating my own hurt has never been something I have been very good at, but my eyes have been opened by my child. I will need to communicate these things far more clearly with her in my life.