Individuality vs. Contentment?

So I am always such a conflicted person where spirit, soul and calm meet the modern world. I know that I am most certainly not the only one.

I am now in a weekly mediation group, one without religious or spiritual conviction. I find the frank discussions we get into there after the meditations to be very refreshing and insightful, however sometimes (as in this last one) I find some things that disquiet me a bit.

To whit: The concept that enforcing one's individuality, one's sense of self in the universe is, or at least can be, a very contentious and conflicted reality. The extension of that however indicates that allowing oneself to conform, to flow with that around you, makes you happier.

This is one hand obvious to me (the term 'going with the flow' of course is the first thing that springs to mind); but on the other implies that I should simply be like all that around me, something that I recoil from almost on principle. I am a bit at a loss as to how to proceed then, as I most certainly enjoy my sense of individuality my sense of self, but also know that I struggle and would like to make my life more peaceful. So to that end I will focus myself more, and try to let the universe work with me.

As soon as I figure out how I'll let you all know.

Hatful of Holisticism

My lovely nonsensical titles. Ah well I guess it all ties back to the fact that a certain commitment to spirituality is in fact lacking in my life.

I usually say that I am spiritual in that I have a spirit and there are things that I believe inherently; and that all that preachiness of other faiths is simply dogma (which I have a distinctive aversion to). Dogma in my mind is simply pure mental and emotional laziness. It is the giving over of your beliefs, trusting them to someone outside of yourself. It is my personal belief that no spirituality can exist externally from yourself. You are (for lack of a better term) 'of God', and as such by exerting your will and your belief you are acting in the interest of the universe and 'God'.

Ah but this is simply musing, perhaps. Or perhaps it is simply justification for my own actions. Either way I have a feeling I am just missing the point of organized religion. I refuse to be saved (or damned) by anyone but myself. And on that I can think of no harsher judge.

I really get quite over the top on the blog postings.

In other news I applied for a part time blogging job with Lifehacker (one of my personal favorites, as are all of the gawker media sites). Do I think I will get it? who knows? I am not a writer, but I do fit a number of the other criteria. A little extra money sure wouldn't hurt about now.

I really have had an interesting life I must say. Not necessarily movie/book quality but I am not even 40 and I have known some really interesting people, and even done a few mildly interesting things. I have exposure to certain business sectors that most people know nothing about. It's interesting being part of a technology that is so absolutely ubiquitous. I could point out the window and the chances are anyone I pointed at will have, within the last 30 days, come into direct contact with one of the machines I support. Even more interesting than that is that you (whoever you are) , if you are in the United States could probably pick someone and the chances would be exactly the same.

Having grown up as the son of a police officer, and now working in a financial sector, I find that security is always on my mind. I become uncomfortable sometimes thinking about how I can compromise my own systems, wondering if I am becoming a 'villain' or 'criminal' just by thinking about it. But then I realize that that is the only realistic way to keep criminals out of my hardware. I have to look at my handiwork and try to step outside of myself, and break it. In any way I can. There are times when my job is inordinately cool and dorky all at once.